Kept promises

I guess everything just piles up. It's true. Nice guys finish last. When it's always about the other party's wellbeing and feelings, the nice guy will get neglected. Always.

I remember asking about going to church, and bible study and all. It so happens that someone else did as well. What a positive response that person got. I just got shot down. With an email. How personal.

I seriously doubt things can return to even a fraction of what it was. More and more I see how much everything was based on lies. When even at this point, lies keep flowing. When it's so easy to throw away everything now, I doubt it even meant anything at the start. Ghost of a good thing. And I do hate the winter in Lexington.

Dashboard Confessional - Age Six Racer

Hey thanks, thanks for that summer

It's cold where you're going

I hope that you're heart's always warm

I gave you the best

I gave you the best that i had

You passed on the letters

And passed on the best that i had.

 

So, So long sweet summer

I stumbled upon you and gratefully basked in your rays

So long sweet slumber

I fell into you, now you're gracefully falling away

Back when i still had hair

When caveman style hair was still vogue. That, and tucked out uniform. And teachers threatening to not allow me to take my A Levels. And the nonchalance look while taking photos.

Mr Chloe Sim Meow Meow - Self explanatory really... If only i can get the vid of him walking around with his head in the tissue box.

Somewhere in Taiwan between turns playing the "kiap kiap" machine.

Before the switchfoot concert. I think I was still teaching at Macpherson then... and my hair was highlighted. ROCK FOR WAYNE tshirt!!

Half of the youth! Thats really a gay smile but... nothing new really hahaha. OH MAN I MISS YOU GUYS. AND I'M REALLY JEALOUS THAT RIGHT NOW YOU GUYS ARE AT PULAU SPRINGS HAVING CHURCH CAMP AND I'M TRYING TO CRAM FOR EXAMS!!! ARGHHHHH

Why am I affected so much?

Well that's a question I really haven't asked myself. I ought to. So I did. And this is the answer I got from myself. I feel utterly cheated. It feels as if the entire friendship was built upon lies and a bloody joke that's even funny. I also thought I let too many good friendships go because of this joke. Don't expect me to smile and shake hands and think everything's all cheery and rosy, and that this entire thing didn't happen. I thought I could. But no. It gets hard when someone you think you know ends up being so phoney. It sucks worse especially when they were once the rocks that set me in place in Sydney.

Let go. How do I even do that? When you're going to be in the same course for 6 years, your lives are bound to cross. When the people you hang out with are the same, it really isn't easy. When I have been ignored, thrown aside (for other more fun friends) and kindness abused, how can I still just turn around with smile and say it doesn't matter? Why do I still say it's not a problem when most of the time, it is the main problem that's been keeping me up, distracting me from studying, distracting me from my other friends???

Sometimes I ask myself. Why bother? Why even care? There are so many good people and worthy friends out there that I can have and make. But really, how can you be closest of friends for 3 months, and then suddenly not talk? That's my difficulty.

I'll be surprised if aforementioned parties read this and are surprised.

Screw this shit.

Didn’t get to watch Edward scissorhand in the end

Ahahaha happy now Shawna? Hahaha we didn't watch in the end cauz i had clinical at Sutherland hospital which was like far far far far far away. So i didn't know if i could make it in time. Coupled with the fact that it was peak hour traffic... yea.Chloe sleeping in the laundry basket (=

Random Rants | Mindless Muses

I always thought the ideal friend is one who can dispense the right words to make you feel better, the rock who is ever so reliant. But then I realise that's not a friendship. It's a mentorship. I also believed in sharing some of my inner most thoughts because, then, it becomes a relationship, not some one way problem solving counselling session. Sometimes when I'm emo, I let it be known to my best friends (whether explicitly or by facial expression etc). It's not that I'm looking for any sympathy. It's just that I do not believe in hiding any of my feelings especially to those who mean a lot to me. So what indeed is the ideal friend? Probably someone who's there when you need someone? Someone who brings out the best in you? Someone who makes you feel good about yourself?

It's hard to think these issues through when the only things that running through your mind are IVF as well as the exam that's looming around the corner.

On a lighter note, I've found myself a bible study group. I feel very comfortable with them and during my first meeting volunteered to be birthday reminder boy. I had dinner with them after FOCUS church meeting. It's pretty awesome to hang with this bunch of people. I'm on that high and have this crazy feeling of expectation not unlike how I felt when I first met my OG on the first day of school. Surprisingly, I didn't feel too left out when Penny, Chris, Dory and Denzil went to macers. Normally, I would have been.

So after weeks thinking about this, I figured it is really essential to be true to friends as well as my feelings. There's no more bottling up stuff. Apparently if I do so, even though I think I'm trying not to be bitchy about things, it shows on my face so very clearly. I also think it's not healthy for me and my unrealistic expectations of my friends. Even though I know my friends are not obliged to return any of my treatment, I think deep down inside I probably still yearn for some of that. Perhaps what I'm really seeking is emotional comfort. But it really is unfair to ask for that much and not consider how much the other parties are going through.

Nip|Tuck has to be locked away. I bought season 1-4 and I really should chuck it aside until after the exams.

Looking forward to Edward Scissorhand this Thurs! First show at the Sydney opera house!!