Well that's a question I really haven't asked myself. I ought to. So I did. And this is the answer I got from myself. I feel utterly cheated. It feels as if the entire friendship was built upon lies and a bloody joke that's even funny. I also thought I let too many good friendships go because of this joke. Don't expect me to smile and shake hands and think everything's all cheery and rosy, and that this entire thing didn't happen. I thought I could. But no. It gets hard when someone you think you know ends up being so phoney. It sucks worse especially when they were once the rocks that set me in place in Sydney.
Let go. How do I even do that? When you're going to be in the same course for 6 years, your lives are bound to cross. When the people you hang out with are the same, it really isn't easy. When I have been ignored, thrown aside (for other more fun friends) and kindness abused, how can I still just turn around with smile and say it doesn't matter? Why do I still say it's not a problem when most of the time, it is the main problem that's been keeping me up, distracting me from studying, distracting me from my other friends???
Sometimes I ask myself. Why bother? Why even care? There are so many good people and worthy friends out there that I can have and make. But really, how can you be closest of friends for 3 months, and then suddenly not talk? That's my difficulty.
I'll be surprised if aforementioned parties read this and are surprised.
Screw this shit.
No comments:
Post a Comment